I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
