Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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