My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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