its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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