We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Non-Jews are for practice
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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