I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
