I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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