this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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