I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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