so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
