So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I need moral support for this bender
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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