Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
