Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
