I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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