last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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