i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
