Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
