ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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