Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
