Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
