Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Randomize
