If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
