We named our party play list daddy issues
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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