Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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