Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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