so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
