I wanna passion pit in your ass
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
