Just fell off a train. Bad.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
