I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize