No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
