He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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