What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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