The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She needs sedatives and a leash
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
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