Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
