Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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