you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
