lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize