Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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