I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Randomize
