You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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