I'm pants shitting drunk right now
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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