I'm going to jail i love you
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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