dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
