shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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