We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
