sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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