She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
