you guys were way drunker than both of me
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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