I wanna bring you to show and tell
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
