I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
