dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
