I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
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