Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
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