Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
