help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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