the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
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