I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
