Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
