Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Randomize
