I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
one two three fourrrrnication!
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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