Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize