Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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