Your tits are I can't wait for
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
