Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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