i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
