The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
