I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm just crazy horny about you
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
