I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize