Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
