He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize