i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
