WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize