3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Duck Duck Cougar?
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
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