You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
