8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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