Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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