should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
