It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Small penises have feelings too.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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