You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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