ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
