Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
he shaved USA in his pubs
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
