Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
