my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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