I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
