If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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