woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
