I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize