This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
