She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
