Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I believe in your delicious
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
