Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
