hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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