I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
