I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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