I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
