One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
