Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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